13 September 2014

deep{er} #7: reflections

Hello, friends:)

Welcome back everyone! I hope you had a great week and that you were inspired by some of my reflections from last week--- praying and reading the bible on a deep{er} level:) 

UPDATE: Unfortunately, I had a bad week. I was down for about a day or so with a bad headache/migraine. And recuperating from that took about a day... and then the devil started telling me lies that I believed. I just got into the dumps. I know what are lies and what is truth, but I just let the devil win this week. 

I felt like I couldn't do anything right.... that I'm larger than the biggest whale and will never lose weight... that I won't ever find a good church and group of friends that I enjoy hanging out with and sharing life with.... that I won't sing again as a worship leader.... lies... lies... lies. 

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with these thoughts or "bad days"; however, this week... it was bad. I felt alone and so down. I think the devil knew I was making progress in my trial and really seeing that there is an end, that God has a plan, that I will come forth as gold.... so he took me down with his fiery darts. He knows that my mind is fragile right now--- and that's where he struck--- fiery darts of lies. 

So after a couple of days of believing lies, I finally understood that the devil was attacking and tried to get back on my feet. I'm making progress, and I've got victory with Jesus.... but it really set me back for this week's reflections post. :(

REFLECTION: So you might have guessed that I didn't get to do any of my Prayer sermon/podcasts/studies. That doesn't mean I don't have ANY reflections:) The devil doesn't win this time! LOL! I still do my daily devotionals and I have some more reflections from last week's post (HERE).

  • Thinking about how I want to go deep{er}  with the Word and with prayer really has me scared. It's almost paralyzed me with fear! I don't know where to start. I don't know how to do it. I just read how to do it... but will I do it right?! HOW DO I DO IT!?!?! I know this sounds silly, but I think that I really have a fear of messing up. This is so different than anything I've ever done before... and it makes me question everything I've done before this point... Was it good enough? Did God hear me? Was my heart in the "right spot"? I'm just really struggling to find the answers and strength to start. I'm really excited about starting this deep{er}  journey, but I'm stuck in some mud of questions and fear right now. Hopefully, as I continue (which is what I need to do...... I need to continue to praise God, to wait on Him, to serve Him, etc)... hopefully, as I continue to complete these studies, I will be more comfortable with this deep{er}  level.
  • Monday night probably was the worst for me because I went to a bible study with a group of gals from a different church. I'm the only one who doesn't attend the same church. The ladies were going on and on about how they felt the Lord's presence and had God Moments all week.... and while I'm happy for them... I'm so jealous. I feel like I still can't feel God. I can't hear Him. I don't know where He is while I'm waiting to find a church or to sing. Again--- all lies. I know God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and that He is with me always, never leaving me (Deuteronomy 31:8 and there are so many other verses about this!)... I just felt like I had nothing to share and nothing in general. So what was my devotion about that day--- God is with me always; that God is speaking to me and that I need to continue to walk in consistent faith, love, and hope. Guess that was my "God Moment" for the day:) Just like that, God shows up and says, "Sav... I'm here. Just keep going! I've got a plan. Trust me." 
  • Another "God Moment"---- Wednesday night my friend Courtney and I went to a bible study at The Church of Hope in Sarasota (LOOOOOOOOVE)! As we were walking in, I told Court just how frustrated I was that I couldn't sing or lead at the moment. One of the worship songs had the lyrics, "Those who wait on the Lord renew their strength". Court turned to me as worship ended and said, "Do they always sing about waiting on the Lord or is that just for you?!" Funny that God had me right where I needed to be, listening to the worship song lyrics that would speak to my soul.
  • And finally.... my last devotional for this week was about following God wherever [WHEREVER] He leads. The verse was Joshua 1:9... not being afraid or discouraged and that the Lord my God is with me. That's hard for me right now because what I knew is in the past. This new road ahead of me.... scares me. This brings out more questions that I have: What if we are to lead somewhere but I'm not equipped? What if I'm not qualified? What if I never sing again? What if we have to move? What is the plan? What if I mess up the plan because I don't follow God?! I know... I know.... you're saying, "Get it together, Sav!" I do have it together, but this past week was just a mess for me. It really set me back. 
Overall, my week was a back and forth ride of emotions. I'm praying that this week, I will stand up against the lies, follow the Lord, and NOT question anymore

And just because... here's a photo of Olsen and I relaxing in our study room. I was studying but he was sleeping! LOL! You can see one of my devotional books there on the footstool. It's called 3 Minute Devotions for Women

My goals for this week:
  1. Continue to take notes from the Prayer sermons/podcasts/etc.
  2. Continue to pray/read my devotions daily  
  3. DO NOT let the devil win! DO NOT listen to lies from the devil but fight back with Truth!
I pray that this post has blessed you ❤️. Remember, if you need prayer, please contact me {savannahland2 at comcast dot net}. 

THANKS so much for stopping by today! Be blessed:}

ps...Here's ONE MORE chance to win tickets to the True Women 2014 conference! OHHHHHHHHH! I hope I win:) 


Lyn Wallan-Smith said...

Savannah I just so wish I could leap through the screen and give you a big hug and tell you how precious you are to Jesus. I know your struggles and I will be faithful to remember you in prayer this week. I dont know your circumstances but we moved from New Zealand to Australia nine years ago now and really struggled to find a home Church which lead to us becoming quite back slidden in our faith. Long story short Kev and I have heard God calling in the last six months and one thing we earnestly prayed for was a Church to call home and we found the most beautiful small Church about ten weeks ago and it is such a blessing. You will be in my prayers this week, as we all have seasons and I pray that you will come through this stronger bolder and more confident in the beautiful gift you are <3.

Wendy Kraft said...

Hi Savanna,
My heart goes out to you and can hear the frustration in your post this week. The inner struggle you are feeling is a positive sign you are growing in your faith with God. When you push yourself to go deeper with God, the devil certainly will try to turn you away from that.
I attached a link if you are interested on "static" in your head. It is an online sermon my co-worker told me about and thought was really good to hear. I don't go to this church, but have really been enjoying their messages. http://eaglebrookchurch.com/media-resources/weekend-messages/insecure/

Keep pressing on and know that God has the bigger picture in mind for you and trust he knows you better than you know yourself. God bless and have enjoyed your weekly posts. Wendy

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

LOVE!!!!! <3

Miriam Prantner said...

Sorry you had a rough week! I am so glad that you are still diligently seeking though, it takes courage to keep going to Bible studies and looking at churches I think. It's much easier to be complacent. And while you might not be leading/singing at a church right now, there's nothing that prevents you from singing....even if it's just you, it's still praise and it still pleases God!

tonilea said...

I am sorry you were down this week, but your down helped me feel not so alone. Sometimes I am empty and do not know how to get back to feeling God's hand in my life. I know He is there, but I just don't FEEL Him. I know we just need to trust and pray. I am there. Thanks for being with me on the journey.